Going Back to Work and the Art of Crying

Going back to work after maternity leave

Me crying is not necessarily a new phenomenon, I cry at all sorts of weird and not so weird things for reasons of happiness, sadness,  frustration, because something is truly hilarious, or just because I feel like listening to music and having a good old bawl!

10 things I’ve cried about in the last few months:

  1. The guy getting the girl on The Undateables
  2. The guy not getting the girl on The Undateables
  3. How much I love my baby
  4. The News
  5. Spilt (breast)milk. Is there anything more devastating!
  6. That Pampers advert. That blasted Pampers advert with the baby that looks like B. It was one of the first I saw when I came back from hospital and as soon as the music starts, it makes me cry every time.
  7. The vacuum breaking down. My beloved vacuum!
  8. Farewell to stromness. This piano version.
  9. My ever-decreasing hair. Hair today (get pregnant, have baby), gone tomorrow
  10. B growing out of clothes I like. Not so much the clothes (ok, a little),  but more the growing so fast bit.

 

But there is a particular reason at the moment and that is the thought of going back to work. Not necessarily work per se. OK, OK, a little bit! More, the thought of not spending each day together and leaving my baby in the arms of someone else when he still seems so young and vulnerable. When I still feel vulnerable and prone to serious mummy separation anxiety.

We’ve been through so much already. On the more challenging side, we’ve been together through a tricky birth which started with an unscheduled taxi ride to the hospital, countless hospital visits/stays/appointments/scans, and reflux with all its twists and turns. But, even with all this, these days together are the best days.

Even though they can be exhausting and long. Even though sometimes I’m so tired, I wake up ready for bed – these are our days and I am happy we get to share them.

These days are getting better with each new one. Sleep is a distant memory now we’re teething, as co-sleepers I now get kicked most of the night, and sometimes I have to call for help just to catch up. But, we have fun in between the madness, the poo and the food splattered walls. And I’m not ready to leave him just yet.

 

 

I am surprised, because I thought I’d be ready to go back by this stage. It’s funny how what you think might happen as a parent and what actually happens don’t always tally.  When you’re in work, 8 months away seems like a lifetime, but as a parent, it’s the blink of an eye.

And for that very necessary non baby-related stimulus,  writing and filming has provided me with a creative outlet and kept the grey matter ticking over -it’s also helped me build on old and forge new friendships on and offline.

Since I started writing this post (I had a little blog break),  I’ve decided to extend my mat leave to the full 12 months. I hope crying over this will now stop!  I’d always worried about the financial aspect of 12 months away. But, now we’re here, I just think I’ll never get this chance again, I’ll find a way to manage.

With that in mind, I always want to make the most of our waking hours together (even if that sometimes just involves snuggling) and I love lists, so I am compiling a list of things I want to have done before I go back to work. * sob…..

…….* Ok, I’m back!

It’s My First Year bucket list. I’m going to seek input and post that full list and document how we get on. I already had some things I wanted to do and put them on my mental list when I was pregnant. But I’d love you to let me know what you did or wished you did or what you think I should add to my list.

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Lots of love

 

Kitty & B x

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