One Love | Self love and Single Motherhood #AnFWord
One Love | Self love and Single Motherhood #AnFWord
One love has been a major theme of the past few weeks, whether it’s the Bob Marley song that dominated my sister’s gorgeous wedding, or me prancing about tennis courts with my uni friend on our staycation in my favourite newbies from New Look, or me trying to take more time for myself (as I mentioned in Learning to love my #selfie), or getting used the challenges and fabulousness over my first year as a mum, or, the big one, preparing myself for single motherhood. Somehow, one love has been the overriding theme. So, this Friday, we’re talking one love as #anFword.
Table for One, Love?
This is the week I officially became a single mum. Phew, that’s a hard one, but I said it! The prospect of single motherhood is one that is currently scaring the cr*p out of me, but a lot of that is feelings of failure and the fear of the unknown. I’ve struggled with it a lot over the past few months and have had some really dark days. I’ve been on my own a lot, but never totally alone with a baby. But, it’s the best decision for us and I know people do it all the time. Heck, my dad did it with two girls, so I just need to be strong. B could not be more loved or wanted and has a great support network around him and that village it takes to raise a child is right with me. His dad is present, very involved and we are committed to co-parenting.
I think the looking for a new place is what hit me hard. Our home was my dream home in a lot of ways. Not just for it as a physical thing, but mainly what it represented in terms of family. We’d only been there for a relatively short time, but we were there for all of B’s life and there are a lot of memories wrapped up in those walls. A lot of firsts. But, I have the memories, the photos, the videos and the imprints to make sure they won’t be forgotten. It’s time to move on.
One to guilt, Love to me.
I can feel guilty about a lot, but I’ve vowed I’m not going to feel guilty about looking after me, too. I have to remember that. In order to be the best mum I can, that’s incredibly important. If that means treating myself here and there, seeing friends and having a few drinks or getting to the gym and working on my fitness and nutrition, I am trying to do them and I am happy to be able to share them too. Motherhood, womanhood and life can be hard, we can be guilty of being too hard on ourselves and not allowing room for you. There are certain things we can control and I’m a big believer in taking control of what’s in your power. I constantly have to remind myself that the things I feel I can’t control are controllable.
By that I mean, I can control my reaction to them. I can try not to be sensitive when people comment or I see negativity on social media. I am human, so yes I will get upset. My message is: Allow yourself that, but don’t let it consume you. Having a child is so life affirming and watching their unbridled joy at life is contagious and that helps lift me every day. Seeing B’s smiley face every morning is a reason I smile every morning and even after a rough day, it’s why I can sleep (?) contented and happy in the knowledge that he is happy.
Game, set and match
So, I am writing this as much of a bit of soppy message to myself as it is an update and some words for you. You are important. Your happiness matters. You matter. Life can be hard and life can be wonderful. Continue to smile and continue to live. Bloody hell, continue to have fun! You can control how your story goes from here and you will look back on this time and use it to propel you forward in the future. That’s what makes you the best you you can be.
So, no, I won’t be sharing all the gory details. Yes, I will continue to share the things we love and will hope to inspire and motivate you. Yes, there will be down days and some elements I will share where I think it will help or I just feel like sharing. But, for me personally, I like to focus on the positive and the good, including the frivolous and the fun, with reality and a bit of humour thrown in. Because no matter what, my life is set to change, change is inevitable and change can be good as I said in my first 6 months as a mum. My life is also full of goodness and focussing on that keeps me motivated and happy. Plus, I get to spend it with B, my one true love.
What makes you happy? How do you make time for yourself?
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Kat, I am with you! You will be well and I’m sending you a lot of love and support in this time of transition. My mum was a single parent, without any assistance from my dad. It’s hard, but as you said, it’s the village around you and I look back with only fond memories of my childhood, so B will be ok.
2017 a new, fresh start for you – You are total slay!
O adore your positive outlook lady! My http://rockandrosesmama.wordpress.com/blog is ALL about inspiring Mamas to find time for themselves and never lose sight of their self identity. You seem to have that down to a T <3 I love the word frivolity and you're so right its really important to keep that threaded through our lives whatever the hardships. Good luck for your new venture with your little man #brilliantblogposts
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Thank you lovely! I’m so glad I shared it even though I was a bit nervous about posting! I really do believe in the importance of us mamas looking after ourselves – it benefits everyone! I’m all over your blog right now – thanks for sharing it! 😘
This is such a great and positive post. The honesty is amazing and I’m sure so many people will be able to relate. Things will be hard at times, but you got this! Tina x
I love how even though you are going through a tough time you have a positive outlook still and won’t be downtrodden about it!
Thank you! It’s how I get myself through! I’m a big believer in trying to focus on the positive or at least trying to *make* something positive! The lovely comments have been so warmly received! Thank you 😘
Sending you tons of love. You’ve got this, mama.
I think it’s lovely that you are sharing your story honestly with us. I think it’s important for us to share our emotions and our stories, because they help others along with helping ourselves.
Wishing you all the best!!!
Thanks so much, lovely! ☺️ I hesitated a lot about posting, but the feedback and warmth had made me realise it was absolutely the right thing. Thanks so much! 😘
A really honest post, and you sound like you are a really strong and determined person, whatever you do you will be a success. You are so right, life can be hard, yet at the same time so very wonderful, sending you lots of blog love, stay strong and beautiful!
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Thank you so much! I haven’t felt strong all the time, but I think that’s more than Ok. ☺️ It’s more about allowing that and then focussing on moving forward as positively as I can! Really appreciate your kind words 😘
Oh my love, I didn’t know. I am sending you much love as you transition into this new season in your life. I was raised by a single mum and I know how tough it can be, a lot of sacrifices, but as you say you have a village of support and most importantly B’s dad around to be part of that journey. Loads of love. Yvadney xx #SaturdayShareLinkUp
Thanks lovely! I’m hoping we can be a positive example of co parenting! It’s not going to be easy with me being the primary carer, BUT, we will be OK and I’ll be doing my darnedest to keep us happy! ☺️ Plus, we have wonderful support – including my blogging pals! 😘😘 #SaturdayShareLinkUp #mumsthatslay x
I am sorry to hear about your recent split. It’s good to hear that your keeping positive lovely xx
Firstly, brilliant photos. Really like your outfit and accessories. But more importantly, really admire your positivity here. Co-parenting can be really tough but sounds like you have the right attitude setting out!
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i dont know how you arrived at now being a single mum, but i just want to say how brave i think you are.. and I’m rooting for you.. be kind and love yourself.. onelove
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Ah this is a lovely and positive post – best of luck in your new circumstances – sounds like you’ve been through a lot, but are coming through it. Love the dress too! Fab.
People deserve to be happy and not feel guilty about the decisions they make it life. Life is hard and sometimes we forget that actually the whole point of things is to be happy and enjoy ourselves.
Sending you loads of strength for the coming months while you get used to your new lifestyle. You are strong, and smart, and kind and thoughtful and you will make an awesome single mother. It will be hard, but you’ve got a great online network around you too – wishing you all the best.
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Despit the sadness of separation you have managed to make this a positive post. That is a truly good sign that life is going to find a way to work out just fine. It may not be the way you planned, but it will be okay.x
Hope everything goes good for you, it must have been a difficult decision to make.
A really heart felt post, it sounds like you’re making the best decision. It must be such a difficult time but you are so right about looking for the positives, it won’t be easy but I’m sure everything will fall into place for you. Wishing you every happiness for the future. x
Sometimes its best to write our feelings down and sharing them that way. A happy life = A happy child and you know whats best for your little one and yourself. Lots of love. X
Lovely post. Sending you good vibes. I am sure you both will be alright.
Your positivity is palpable. I’m sure you are going to inspire and uplift so many others with them lovely. Also looking fab in that outfit. Here’s the start of a new journey which works better for you xx
What a great read, although emotional too, and it sounds as though a split is the best thing for your family. My first husband and I split when my eldest was four and we had an amazing two years on our own together. I am now remarried with three more children and although it was a difficult path to get here, it’s one I’d walk a thousand times over.
Loved reading that. So many will be able to relate. And when things are for the best it’ll all work out, although it may seem tough at times now.
Thank you! Yes, it always works out for the best doesn’t it! It’s taken me a long time to work up the courage to talk about it, but I feel much better now I have! 😘😘